Monday, 2 November 2015

Jessica's Ironing Tutor

The Great British Ironing Circle... It's on the BBC... I don't know, six o'clock? I watch it on my tablet on the commute home. I have to sit in the spoiler carriage on the train so I don't ruin the ending for anyone who hasn't seen it...

...but that's what I've been saying. Everybody has an ironing tutor. It's the in thing.”

A repetitive beeping sound heralds the departure of the elevator. The bulky, dented silver doors slide shut slowly, as if mired in discarded chewing gum, gradually screening off the small ticket hall of Gloucester Road underground station.

Look, I've got to go mummy.”

Jessica ends the call. Some of the other passengers in the lift look down at their feet attempting to stifle their laughter.


The alfresco dining area outside Sheridan's.

Daisy takes a sip of Shiraz and then keeps the wine glass up by her mouth. with the rim resting on her curled-over bottom lip and the blackcurrant-coloured contents lapping at the curved interior.

The three-way conversation is like parallel railway tracks that occasionally criss-cross.

Clarrissa - “Mmmm, I'm getting really good at that rectangular pleat you get in the back of men's shirts.”

Jessica - “I mean I like Carlos, but I'm effectively paying him £30 an hour for me to iron his clothes. I'm starting to see the same pairs of pants.”

Daisy - “Is it really necessary iron pants?”

Clarissa - “You know what, darling: Have you shagged him yet? Grind a few buttock-shaped dents into those bed sheets of yours. Give yourself something challenging to iron.”

Jessica - “No, I forget to tell you, I'm back with Anthony and we're both trying to be good this time.”

Daisy - “No gak binges?”

Jessica - “We both still do coke. We do it as a couple on Sundays after we've visited one set of parents. So it's like our reward...”

Jessica - “...You know, I do like it when Carlos stands behind me with his head over my shoulder and guides my hands.”

Smirks all round. And Daisy finally puts down her wineglass and checks something in her handbag.

Clarrissa – “I think you might found my happy place for later, you know when John is flopping about on top of me...”