Why it
must never be allowed to rain men
Far
from being a cause for joyful celebration, 'man rain' as it is
described in the hit single - It's Raining Men (Homer
Simpson's favourite song) would be a tragedy on a par with Hurricane
Katrina, a tsunami, or an alien invasion of Canada.
It is
a practical reality that few of the men would survive the fall from
several thousand feet. Going out and letting yourself “get
absolutely soaking wet” would in this case equate with allowing
yourself to be thoroughly drenched in blood and gore and impaled with shards of
human bone.
Among
the surviving men the majority would be seriously injured, requiring
urgent medical attention and, in the long-term, extensive physical
rehabilitation. As somebody who investigates and writes on local
health issues, I can say that the healthcare providers in my home
town of Southend are ill-prepared to deal with an incidence of man
rain.
It is
likely that on the ground further casualties would result, either
directly from the rain itself, or as a consequence of accidents
caused by it. Would man rain be intense enough to bring down an
aeroplane? I would like to answer 'no' but we all know that the real
answer to this question is 'Yes.'
There
would be extensive damage to property. Emergency services would be
stretched well beyond capacity. It is likely that in some areas the
rule of law would break down altogether.
In
the aftermath of the man rain somewhere would have to found to store
the bodies and the other disparate remains until such a time that
these could be identified and the next of kin notified. Every death
would need to be treated as suspicious until the police could rule
out foul play in individual cases.
The
Guardian newspaper would invariably pronounce the man rain as
misogynist. For The Daily Mail it would be held up as yet
another example of the government's failure to control immigration.
The Daily Express would, with some wild leap of media logic,
link it to the death of Princess Diana.
Disco
music has a way of making mass tragedies seen acceptable (see The
Trammps - Disco Inferno). We must condition ourselves to look
past the catchy rhythms and infectious melodies and see the human
cost that lies beneath.
