Tonight I will make myself available to fight, bare-handed, against a giant owl, should there one be available.
1. The window for the fight will be between 9pm and 11pm. If no owl challenger has emerged by 10:30pm, I will open myself up to challenges from members of the audience who have come dressed as owls.
2. Any giant owl wishing to challenge me must be no less than eight cubits in height. If you are wondering why giant owls are measured using the same biblical scale that was employed during the construction of Noah's Ark, then you clearly know nothing about the sport of Giant Owl Fighting.
3. Although, technically, I will be fighting bare-handed, I will be wearing my owl fighting gloves.
4. If a fight is still in progress at 11:00pm, it will be declared a draw.
5. The fight is for display purposes only. The outcome will have no effect upon my standing in either the UK Giant Owl Fighting league, or on The International Over-35's Circuit.