Sunday, 24 August 2014

Please give five minutes of your time to read an emotional plea from an internet spammer

Please give five minutes of your time to read an emotional plea from an internet spammer

Good day to you Sir or Madam

I am writing to you with a unique investment opportunity.

My best friend's sister-in-law's cousin's aunt makes $80 every second that she spends on the internet. She has been fired from work for eight months but last month her payment was £150770000000 just for working on the internet for a few hours clicking on gold coins and bonus gems as they tumble down the screen, while avoiding the giggling goblins which incur a small penalty and sign you up to a mailing list that bombards your email inbox with inspirational Taylor Swift quotes.

I can vouch that all of the falling moneys are 100 percent genuine bitcoins issuing from a virtual leak in the online bank account of the late Colonel Gadaffi. As the executor of his estate I have been unable to stop the leak. Therefore I must proceed with the dissolution of his finances with all due haste. As the primary next of kin (you are Colonel Gadaffi's son or daughter) you will be entitled to an inheritance of 72 million pounds sterling which I will release to you as soon as you transfer the sum of £15,000 to cover administrative costs.

On a tenuously related matter my PR, Roxy, wondered if you might be interested in viewing some lewd photos that she and her friends took in a secluded cove while on a yachting holiday.

I also promised to pass on an offer from my UK-based business associate, Sandy, who along with her hot single friends in Brentwood is looking for no strings attached sex with strangers who she met on the internet. I appreciate that Brentwood is a long drive from Southend however I strongly urge you to join the sex commuter revolution at your earliest opportunity. Why not take advantage of the special train and bus services that have been laid on for itinerant man-candy like yourself. I assure you that this public transport is run by reputable operators and will definitely not deliver you to an unbonded travel agency on the outskirts of Birmingham where you can inquire about our many concessions and saver fares.

If you are concerned that your bedroom performance may not satisfy the unchaste desires of HOT MINXES LIVING IN THE VICINITY OF YOUR NEAREST INTERNET EXCHANGE then why not take advantage of the latest offers from our online Canadian pharmacy in Canada. Our Canadian Viagra is aged on cross-sections of redwood for seven years to ensure a smoother longer-lasting erection.

Our miracle penis-enlargement pills can make your manhood equal in both length and girth IN UNDER FOUR WEEKS! The longing for a cubed penis is the secret desire that fuels lust in the heart of every woman. They will marvel at the uniform dimensions of your mighty beef whistle. She will call you stud or your money back!

I wish to take this moment to recommend to you the benefits of taking a Canadian lover. One can be dispatched to you by overnight courier. See online for our latest offers on hot Canadian brides.

Why not meet me in the Mauritius Suite of my virtual casino where we can play blackjack and discuss all of this along with the size of the donation that you will make to my porcupine sanctuary.

Every minute a porcupine living in a sanctuary makes $40 working on the internet when they could be earning double that amount as an independent operator. Your £10,000 donation will purchase the materials to create a disguise that will allow a porcupine to slip past the guards and live out its days in the lush countryside surrounding Bradford, where it can take advantage of secret wi-fi nodes to conduct exclusive online auctions.

My fluorescent safety jacket speaks of my seriousness on these matters.

I await for you to confirm your urgent response immediately when you confirm this letter today.

Andrew Smith, English Minister for the Stock-market

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