Sunday, 29 March 2015

Product review: Lush 'Big Blue' bathbomb

If Big Blue were a planet it would be an ocean world, capped with ice at its northernmost pole.

When introduced to actual water the reaction of this crumbling, spherical cake of blue and white bath crystals is impressively volatile: The lively 360 degree fizz propelling the fast-disintegrating, cratering nugget from one end of the bath to other, ejecting in its wake what appears to be a trail of fat grass cuttings and opaque, powdery blue clouds that resemble the ink jet defence of a fleeing cephalopod. Clearly this is the James Dean of the bath bomb world, hell-bent on living fast, dying young and leaving behind a tub of warm, sapphire-blue water that gives off a strong antiseptic bouquet, reminiscent of dental surgery mouthwash.

The grass cuttings (actually seaweed clippings) strewn across the bottom of the tub momentarily take on the approximate shape of a dragon's head, provoking a dash across the corridor to the nearest computer to consult a website on tea leaf reading. Here we are informed that the appearance of a dragon signifies “great and sudden changes about which there is an element of danger.” I privately resolve to take great care when getting in and out the bath.

One detects a nautical theme buried in the list of ingredients: Coarse sea salt and two different types of seaweed - Arame (Elsenia Aborea) and something called Seaweed Absolute (Fucus Vesiculosus) which I desperately want to be seaweed vodka. This coupled with the strong medicinal scent gives the false impression of Big Blue as a tonic aimed at addressing lingering health concerns, as opposed to being an aid to relaxation. If you told me that the dual purpose of this clear azure water was as a delousing agent and stimulant, mitigating the effects of scurvy on sailors following long sea voyages, then I would probably believe you.

You will emerge from the bath infusion smelling like you have recently been intimate with a dentist. A suitable gift then for the kinky, erotically-inclined oral hygienist in your life. 


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