When introduced to actual
water the reaction of this crumbling, spherical cake of blue and
white bath crystals is impressively volatile: The lively 360 degree
fizz propelling the fast-disintegrating, cratering nugget from one
end of the bath to other, ejecting in its wake what appears to be a
trail of fat grass cuttings and opaque, powdery blue clouds that
resemble the ink jet defence of a fleeing cephalopod. Clearly this is
the James Dean of the bath bomb world, hell-bent on living fast,
dying young and leaving behind a tub of warm, sapphire-blue water
that gives off a strong antiseptic bouquet, reminiscent of dental
surgery mouthwash.
The grass cuttings
(actually seaweed clippings) strewn across the bottom of the tub
momentarily take on the approximate shape of a dragon's head,
provoking a dash across the corridor to the nearest computer to
consult a website on tea leaf reading. Here we are informed that the
appearance of a dragon signifies “great and sudden changes about
which there is an element of danger.” I privately resolve to take
great care when getting in and out the bath.
One detects a nautical
theme buried in the list of ingredients: Coarse sea salt and two
different types of seaweed - Arame (Elsenia Aborea) and
something called Seaweed Absolute (Fucus Vesiculosus) which I
desperately want to be seaweed vodka. This coupled with the strong
medicinal scent gives the false impression of Big Blue as a tonic
aimed at addressing lingering health concerns, as opposed to being an
aid to relaxation. If you told me that the dual purpose of this clear
azure water was as a delousing agent and stimulant, mitigating the
effects of scurvy on sailors following long sea voyages, then I would
probably believe you.
You will emerge from the
bath infusion smelling like you have recently been intimate with a
dentist. A suitable gift then for the kinky, erotically-inclined oral
hygienist in your life.
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