Friday, 27 March 2015

Product review: Lush 'Golden Egg' bathbomb

What manner of animal might hatch from this glittering, somewhat elongated, golden egg?

In the search for an answer one naturally consults with those younger members of the family and their friends, who are willing to humour such a question with a serious and thoughtful response.

Suggestions range from the prosaic (a golden goose) to the fanciful (a unicorn - a patently ridiculous suggestion; anyone with a basic knowledge of Linnaean taxonomy knows that unicorns are mammals from the Equidae family and give birth to live young). The most promising and plausible hypothesis is also the most disturbing: “A Crocodile and when it hatches it says “Kill me,”” (apparently in the voice of a dying sheep).

The disconcerting prospect of some reptilian organism, hitherto unknown to science, hatching in the bath, baring a mouthful of needle-sharp teeth and, in the voice of the aforementioned dying sheep, demanding that an entire block of cheddar cheese be grated onto the surface of the water to satiate its enormous appetite, turns out to be unfounded:

The bath bomb placidly dissolves in a fuzzy white cloud of its own gentle effervescence. This rather tame dissolution is accompanied by a steamy understated scent informed by notes of the olive oil, sweet wild orange and gardenia extract that I am, at this precise moment, reading about in the accompanying list of ingredients.

Unfortunately the pleasant olfactory appeal of the bath bomb is undermined by the visual transformation taking place beneath the gentle pummeling of the hot tap. The egg slowly uncoils leaving in its wake a translucent yellow trail, that is disturbingly reminiscent of a toddler weeing in a swimming pool. A minute or so later and one is confronted by what, at a glance, resembles a bath tub brimming with unusually fragrant piss, with the melting kernel of the bath bomb floating at the far end – a brilliant saffron-coloured emulsion, like an egg yolk, fringed with white foam.

Thankfully by the time the egg has completely dissolved the water has changed hue from bright yellow to a vibrant lime green that is enhanced by a pleasant twinkling effect caused by the suspended particles of glitter.

One emerges from this garish perfumed soup in the manner of a camp male stripper, smelling somewhat more pleasant than usual and liberally speckled with gold body glitter.

Laying aside my initial reservations about the colour of the water, this is the most interesting of the Lush bath bombs that I have tried so far.

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